10/30/21 "Forgiveness, Repentance, and Reconciliation
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Intro:
My ordination experience
this whole topic - from forgiveness to confession/repentance to reconciliation - multiple dissertations, hundreds of books - hard to do in one sermon series, much less one sermon. So please, keep that in mind. If something said here s parks something in you and makes you want more - please know - there is more! I am happy to guide you to more resources, or just do your own research. There is so much beauty in all of this, it is worth the effort.
there is not an order to all of this. Forgiveness goes hand in hand with confession and reconciliation, and they can exist separately in many ways. My story has taught me...
Confession heals relationships. It matters. Working through issues makes a difference.
And…forgiveness gets much easier when we take the time to see our own failings.
“Your soul is as disheveled as your apartment,
and until you can clean it up a little, you don’t want to invite anyone inside.” - Brene Brown
So will it be with all who behold Christ. The nearer we come to Jesus, and the more clearly we discern the purity of His character, the more clearly shall we see the exceeding sinfulness of sin, and the less shall we feel like exalting ourselves. There will be a continual reaching out of the soul after God, a continual, earnest, heartbreaking confession of sin and humbling of the heart before Him. - EGW
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
the healing has to come from deep within
petty confession isn’t healing.
true confession isn’t about a checklist of sins - this often actually covers over the real problem.
my own checklist
the old priest was reminiscing:
nobody comes to confession any more, he said,
and that’s a relief. i always hated confession.
it was like getting stoned with marshmallows.
can you imagine it?
father, forgive me, for i have sinned.
it has been six weeks since my last confession.
i ate meat loaf last friday.
i ate a hot dog a few fridays before that.
i coveted my neighbor’s weight loss
every day.
oh, woman, i said that afternoon, when
i could stand no more:
you are boring me, you are boring yourself,
and you are boring Almighty God.
if you think this is what sin is, the church
has failed you.
Confession is about cleaning out our hearts in such a way that we can see how much sin is causing us pain
confession and repentance - turning away - has to be a full recognition of the pain of sin and how it has separated us from God
Psalm 51 David’s confession to God
The New International Version Psalm 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
Confessing to God alone - allows God to truly heal us
Not that he didn’t harm Bathsheba and Uriah
Confession should lead to repentance - getting to the heart of sin, so God can truly offer us healing
Confession of the deeper pain is key - the examples in our lives help us see how it causes pain to others. First the depth, then the examples, not the other way around
“We confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and please forgive, that we may finally and fully learn to live in dignity and unity, integrity and harmony, delighting in your will and walking in your ways, to the glory of your name. Amen.” - Book of Common prayer
confess to one another:
with wisdom
when we know we have wronged someone, confessing to them can heal a relationship
early dating - first fight - recovery. This builds relationship. The fear of messing up lessens the more real we are. By not facing the issues, we live in fear that the other cannot handle us.
If someone confesses, are we then obligated to forgive them
If you are just joining this series, I highly encourage you to listen to the last 3 weeks, available online.
God’s forgiveness is already done
While we were yet sinners… and so many other texts. God is also freed from the need to forgive us continually. It is done.
Forgiveness is not for the person who committed the wrong, it is frees the forgiver. It is a gift God gives us, and it comes from God.
Forgiving happens inside us. It represents a letting go of the sense of grievance and, perhaps most importantly, letting go of the role of victim. For a Jew to forgive a Nazi would not mean, God forbid, saying to them: “What you did was understandable. I can understand what led you to do it and I do not hate you for it.” It would mean saying, “What you did was thoroughly despicable and puts you outside the category of decent human beings. But I refuse to let your blind hatred define the shape and content of my Jewishness.” - Rabbi Kushner
Rabbi Kushner told about a woman in his synagogue, a single mother with three young children whose husband had abandoned them for a younger woman. “How can you tell me to forgive him?” she asked. Kushner responded, “I’m asking you to forgive because he doesn’t deserve the power to live in your head and turn you into an angry, bitter woman. I’d like to see him out of your life emotionally as completely as he is physically, but you keep holding on to him. You’re not hurting him by holding onto that resentment, but you’re hurting yourself.”
forgiveness frees us and allows God to heal us
so does confession - between us and God, and between person to person
So - what about reconciliation?
Biblical reconciliation is between us and God
God took on our sins and the sins of others, so in Christ’s death we are reconciled across that divide, back to God.
The New International Version (Chapter 2)
14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15 by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, 16 and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17 He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
now on earth
Public justice - the legal system is useful and good for this, does not mean fighting natural consequences
Can be incredible
Should be done in consult with the wisest and most disconnected from the situation people in your life
Family can’t advise family. Friendsmentorspastors who deeply care about you and have shown wisdom in other areas of life.
Reconciliation makes for stronger relationships
Group reconciliation:
back to my story. Church group-ness - confession and reconciliation is important
Community is God’s gift. To not be bitter, but to be able to live in love
Sometimes that takes time. Give yourself time
We are called to forgive each other - because God loves us too much to let us become embittered.
Confession
Do it.
Reconciliation
again - in the right time, but also don’t just write it off. Heal, grow, revisit…Forgiive. because community is worth it. Growth and healing are worth it.